Chapter 5

As the pair of them left the infirmary and stepped out into the daylight, Thedrick flinched and had to shield his sensitive eyes with a hand, blinking rapidly to try and overcome the sudden brightness. Once he could somewhat see again, through squinted eyes, he noticed that Beowulf had his helmet tilted to look down at him.

“What?” Thedrick asked in confusion, peering up at the large man from under the cover of his hand.

“Ah, nothing,” Beowulf muttered, glancing away. “Well, I’m likely late for guard duty by now, so I better get going,” he added hesitantly.

“Are you on duty for dinner tonight?” Thedrick asked, trying not to sound overly hopeful. Beowulf nodded in affirmation. “Then I will see you then!” Thedrick said cheerily.

“Oh, you are performing tonight?” Beowulf asked.

Thedrick nodded animatedly. “Oh! I have a great idea for a trick! If you’ll indulge me,” he said with a cheeky grin.

Beowulf cocked his head to one side. “What are you planning?” he asked with suspicion.

“Well, that would be telling!” Thedrick exclaimed, wagging a finger. “I just ask that when I give you a signal,” he winked at Beowulf in an over exaggerated manner, “that you put out your hands like this,” he held his hands in front of his legs, palms to the sky. “Trust me, it will be great!”

Beowulf looked to be considering it for a moment. “… fine fine, alright, I’ll play your silly game little jester,” he begrudgingly agreed, sounding slightly amused.

Thedrick pumped his fist in the air in victory. “You won’t be disappointed! See you at dinner,” and with that he started skipping away, whistling a merry tune to himself.

He continued like this on his way through the castle, smiling to himself about his plan. That was, until he was suddenly grabbed by the collar and yanked off his feet.

Before Thedrick knew what was happening he was being pinned against the wall, the angry soldier from earlier pressing an arm firmly against his neck.

Thedrick smiled nervously at the man’s furious features, grabbing the arm he was pinned by with both hands and trying to pull it off his throat, to no avail. “Hey there, Emil, looking good today,” he managed to gasp out with an accompanying wink, and a moment later his trachea was being crushed harder.

“Where’s your bodyguard now, huh, joker?” Emil hissed out, scowl deepening. Despite his face being contorted with rage, it was still handsome, with a strong chin covered in stubble and pronounced cheekbones covered in freckles, framed by his curly chestnut hair.

Thedrick tried to speak, but all that came out of his throat was a wheeze. He let go of the arm and tried to mime to Emil that he couldn’t breathe, let alone speak at the moment, trying to convey in a single raised eyebrow ‘how am I supposed to answer your question like this?’.

The soldier made a noise of annoyance and eased up slightly on the jester’s throat, moving the arm down a bit so it was pressing on his chest instead, still pinning him to the wall, his feet lifted up off the floor. Thedrick gasped in some air, relief flowing through him from the easing of pressure. “Thanks love,” he choked out.

Emil growled, fury in his green eyes. “You think you’re safe now, clown, just because you somehow managed to befriend the big guy?” the soldier snarled threateningly. “He won’t always be there to protect you, like now, for example.”

“You know, if you hurt me, he’ll come after you,” Thedrick coughed out, even though he didn’t know if that was true, he hoped Emil believed it.

The soldier’s expression changed slightly, indicating he was taking pause at that. “If you tell him about this, you’ll only make it worse for the both of you,” Emil growled, pulling away from Thedrick, allowing the jester to fall onto his feet.

“What, you gonna take on the big guy yourself?” Thedrick jeered as he straightened his clothing. “Please invite me if you do, I’d love to see the first human flatbread.”

“Hah, you think I’m the only one who wants to see both of you put in your places?” Emil scoffed in return. “Just stay out of my way, fool, and hopefully it won’t have to come to that.”

“Awww, but I’ll miss your pretty face!” Thedrick whined dramatically with an exaggerated pout, batting his pale eyelashes up at the soldier.

Emil glared daggers at the jester, which caused Thedrick to raise his hands slightly in surrender. “Alright, alright, I’ll just slink away nursing my disappointment that you didn’t pin me up against the wall to kiss me,” he continued to jest as he edged along the wall, trying to get away.

“Do you ever shut up?” Emil growled, reaching for the knife sheathed on his hip, taking a threatening step towards the jester.

Thedrick squeaked, turned down the hallway and started booking it, knowing he had probably pushed his luck to the limit. He ran until he felt he was a safe distance away, having wound his way around some corners and well out of sight. He then stopped for a moment to catch his breath, while rubbing his throat. That was probably going to bruise.

Eventually Thedrick got back to his room, where he set to making up a song for his performance that evening. 

****

When the jester arrived in the dining hall later and saw Beowulf looming a few paces behind the king’s chair, Thedrick smiled boldly at him, squashing the urge to shoot him a wink, as it was too early for the signal. Of course, he couldn’t see the guard’s reaction because of his helmet, which left him looking entirely impassive.

However, when King Richard saw Thedrick enter, he beamed widely. “Why, if it isn’t my favourite jester!” he called out as Thedrick approached him and bowed with a flourish.

Thedrick gave a fake gasp of surprise. “Your majesty! Are you implying that you have been seeing another jester behind my back?” he asked with widened eyes and pretend outrage. “Am I not good enough for you? You wound me sire,” he gave King Richard a hurt look.

The king chuckled at this, shaking his head, mane of dark hair moving as he did so. “You know I would never betray you in such a way, Thedrick,” he said with a smile. “Now come, why don’t you demonstrate to my guests and the new royal guards what makes you the best in the business?”

Thedrick bowed again, then turned to bow at Queen Vivienne, who sat up the other end of the table, also smiling. Running down the sides of the long table was a collection of other various lords and ladies, relatives of the royalty, their advisers or military leaders, or notable landowners, all a part of the banquet. Many of them were murmuring quietly to each other during the exchange between the king and the jester.

 
“What would you have me do first, your majesties? I am a man of many talents, after all,” Thedrick said with a sweeping gesture. “Do you wish for some juggling, acrobatics, singing or jokes to start off with?”

“It’s been a while since you juggled for us Thedrick, lets see it,” King Richard ordered, before going back to eating his meal, though still paying attention to the jester.

Thedrick smiled, then suddenly pulled out a bunch of colourful balls from seemingly nowhere and started tossing them up in the air skilfully. The king smiled and nodded in approval as he continued to eat. Some other guests watched the jester as well while they continued to consume the massive amount of food in front of them, showing various states of interest or, in some cases such as with Richard’s brother, disinterest.

“Wait, this isn’t exciting enough,” Thedrick suddenly announced, letting the balls suddenly fall to the floor. Everyone watched him in surprise as he now pulled a bunch of knives also out of seemingly nowhere and started to juggle them instead. The king’s face lit up and he looked rather impressed, while the rest of the guests had expressions with various amounts of apprehension. Thedrick glanced over at Beowulf and was surprised to see the large man had taken one step forward and reached out one hand towards Thedrick, as if in concern, though quickly straightened up again after a moment.

Through some small miracle, Thedrick managed to juggle the knives without dropping any on his toes for once. He felt really proud of himself and smirked while he really hoped that it had impressed Beowulf. He finished the trick, caught all the knives, and bowed, stowing them away again as the king voiced his approval and some of the guests clapped politely.

“Would you like some jokes now, your highness?” Thedrick asked the king, adding the lilt of respect to his voice one does when speaking to someone of high authority.

“What have you got for me, Thedrick?” Richard asked with a smile while using a napkin to wipe food out of his beard.

“My liege, two nights afore the present, I paid visit to a local farmer, who had a three-legged donkey. Would your majesty know what the farmer called this deformed beast?” Thedrick asked with a grin.

“I know not, jester, pray tell me the answer,” the king replied, playing into the bit.

“The man called it a Wonkey,” Thedrick finished. Richard unexpectedly burst into laughter, spitting some of his food across the table in the process. A murmur of chuckles sounded from the other guests as well, some of which seemed to be trying not to smile.

Thedrick’s smile grew wider. “Whilst I was visiting the farm, my lord, I learned that the farmer had recently bestowed an award upon his best scarecrow,” Thedrick continued, feeling energised.

The king had managed to get himself under control and raised a questioning eyebrow at the jester. “And why would the farmer do something like that?” he asked.

“Because the scarecrow was outstanding in his field,” Thedrick delivered the punchline, watching Richard’s face expectantly for the response.

It seemed to take the king a moment, but then a broad smile filled his features. “Oh ho, I get it! Very clever!” he exclaimed between chuckles. This one seemed to get a better response from the other guests, who nodded in approval, except Richard’s brother, who rolled his eyes.

“So, your highness, I decided to take a wander around the farm to see the various animals. And I came across a farmhand milking one of the cows, muttering to himself. So, I decided to creep in closer and listen in on what he was saying. And do you know what I heard, my liege?” Thedrick kept going with his theme.

“What did you hear, Thedrick?” the king asked with interest.

“Udder nonsense,” Thedrick announced, accompanied by an over exaggerated shrug. To his delight, this elicited a hearty chuckle from the monarch again, as well as his wife, who was attempting to cover her smile with a hand.

“To my surprise, the guards suddenly showed up at the farm!” Thedrick announced dramatically. “They had come to arrest one of the chickens!”

“Huh? What was the chicken’s crime?” Richard asked with confusion.

“Fowl play,” Thedrick said with a smirk, which sent the king into a fit of laughter. Thedrick glanced over at Beowulf and saw the soldier’s chest moving slightly with suppressed laughter, which made Thedrick’s eyes light up.

“Before I left the farm, I happened across the farmer again, and he was acting rather odd. He was burying gold pieces in his field. So, I asked him why he was doing that, and he told me he wanted to make his soil rich!” Thedrick explained, trying to keep a straight face. But he broke into a smile when Richard started chuckling again.

“Sounds like you had a rather eventful trip, Thedrick,” the king said as he rubbed some tears of laughter out of his eyes.

Thedrick nodded. “It was a very busy day, my liege. And as dusk was falling, and I was leaving to return to the city, I happened to overhear a cow talking to her calf,” Thedrick set up one final joke.

“A talking cow? What did she say?” Richard asked with a knowing grin, clearly prepared for a punchline.

“It’s pasture bedtime!” Thedrick delivered, before taking a bow while the king laughed at the joke.

“How do you keep coming up with these Thedrick?” Richard asked in disbelief, finally overcoming his mirth.

Thedrick shrugged with a smile. “That’s a trade secret,” he said with a wink. “Now, how about some acrobatics next?” the jester suggested, rubbing his hands together.

The king and other guests now had a chance to eat some more without the threat of the clown making them choke with laughter. Thedrick quickly limbered up, before he started cartwheeling and flipping around the perimeter of the dining table, as he often did as a part of his performance.

After landing quite the impressive series of flips, some of the guests placed down their cutlery to applaud Thedrick, and Richard’s eyes were fully on him again. Thedrick looked over at Beowulf and smirked before he started sprinting in the soldier’s direction.

Once he was close enough, Thedrick gave the large man an overexaggerated wink, and the soldier visibly stiffened. Then Beowulf put his hands in the position Thedrick requested, and the jester tumbled into a series of flips as he closed the distance between them. After landing one of the flips directly in front of the guard, he sprung up from the floor, using Beowulf’s hands as a springboard, leapt into the air, and landed with his feet on the soldier’s broad shoulders.

There was a moment of shocked silence, during which Thedrick turned himself around to face his audience, being careful not to lose his footing, while holding his arms up in the air. Then the applause started, and Thedrick bowed, smiling as he noticed the king had twisted around in his chair to peek behind him and see what had happened.

After he finished basking in the audience's approval, Thedrick took a seat on one of Beowulf’s shoulders, leaning on the soldier’s helmet. He could feel the way the guard was holding himself rigidly under Thedrick’s negligible weight.

“Allow me to tell you all about my friend here,” Thedrick announced, and felt Beowulf bristling beneath him. The jester cleared his throat and started to sing.

“Have you heard of Beowulf the strong?
I’m sure you will have before long,
He’s as large as an ox
and has muscles like rocks,
And I’ll tell you more in this little song.

Have you heard of Beowulf the brave?
Slew three dragon’s just last Tuesday,
He’s as strong as a bear,
Will catch you unaware,
And send you right into your grave~

But have you heard of Beowulf the kind?
A better friend you’ll never find,
He’ll bake you a pie,
Dry your tears when you cry,
And rescue you out of a bind.

And now you’ve heard of Beowulf the good,
If you’ve been listening well then you should,
You might think he’s scary
And be a bit wary,
But really he’s just misunderstood.”

Whilst Thedrick was singing, the king had gestured to Beowulf to move around to the side of the table a bit so he wouldn’t have to twist around in his chair to watch, and Beowulf had complied, moving around while Thedrick still balanced on his shoulder.

Thedrick finished singing and smiled down at the audience from his perch. They were looking up at him in bewilderment, though soon a few of them started politely clapping for him, and he noticed Richard was beaming in delight, and the king started clapping loudly.

“Thank you, thank you,” Thedrick said and carefully got to his feet on Beowulf’s shoulder, though while he was rising, he plucked the soldier’s helm off his head, much to the big man’s surprise. Beowulf glanced up at Thedrick in puzzlement as the jester threw off his hat and put the helm over his own head.

Visibility in the helmet was lower than he had expected, with the visor slit only providing a small field of view. Still, Thedrick struck a pose on his perch.

“Behold! I am the big scary soldier! I could crush your head with my bare hands!” Thedrick mocked, gesturing and dancing from one foot to the other on his perch. He then suddenly lost his footing and slipped, falling from the soldier’s shoulder and headfirst towards the ground, hitting the stone floor below with a resounding clank.

Pain blossomed in his head from the knock, and he suddenly felt rather dizzy and disorientated. He struggled to get to his feet from where he landed on the floor, trying to stand up straight. He then proceeded to try and take the helmet off his head, though pretended that it was stuck, tipping and wobbling from side to side as he pretended to pull on it. The act seemed to work, as he could hear laughter from outside the helmet.

Suddenly though something was actually pulling on the helmet that wasn’t him, and Thedrick realised quickly that Beowulf was trying to pull it off his head. The jester clung tightly to it and ended up being lifted up into the air by the soldier’s large hand, head still in the helmet. He kicked his legs in the air, to the sound of more laughter from the table.

Then Beowulf started shaking the helmet, clearly trying to dislodge the clown from it. Eventually Thedrick couldn’t maintain his grip, and fell out of it, landing on his backside on the floor with an audible ‘oof’. The audience continued to laugh as Thedrick got to his feet, rubbing his backside where he had hit the floor. That wasn’t just part of the act, it actually hurt, and would probably bruise, much like his head.

Thedrick glanced up at Beowulf, who looked down at him with a strange look that seemed to be a mix of annoyance and apologetic. He then placed the helmet back over his head, hiding his face from view again. The jester turned back to the applauding audience and gave them a couple of polite bows.

“Thank you everyone, it’s been great. And thanks to Beowulf for being such a good assistant!” Thedrick announced with a grin. He was pretty sure he saw the soldier visibly shrink in the corner of his vision.

“Good show Thedrick, thank you for such lively entertainment this evening!” the king exclaimed, smiling merrily. “Here,” he threw a small bag towards the jester, who quickly caught it out of the air. It felt moderately heavy with coin. “Get some good food my boy, you’re looking a little on the thin side.”

“Thank you, sire,” Thedrick said with a deeper bow. “I look forward to performing for you again.”

Thedrick turned back to Beowulf, gave the soldier a smile and a wink, before grabbing his hat up off the floor and then skipping off towards the door to the dining hall, hearing the king loudly talking to his guests as he left.